Your Forum Approach over Time

[Streetwise]

I’ve been thinking about how my usage, participation, an attitude on the forum have changed since I joined.

I had been active on various live streams, a previous forum, and the test ACO chat that ran for a bit. I was feeling so isolated, working remotely, and not able to hang out with my friends. Work IT was stressful.

I found a home on the forum. Now I feel like I don’t have to prove anything. I can just be helpful and funny.

[Bev C]

I love this forum and the ACO site and staff. With this forum and Corey, Irene, Jimmy, and Dean’s videos and the ACO blog has helped and taught me a lot. And I would be lost without Candi’s help and patience with my plants and questions.

I appreciate all the help and advice i get here with my aquarium, plants, and fish, because my fish store is not close to me. I have to travel to get there and I still ask for their advice but the forum and ACO is a big blessing if I need help.

Plus the forum allows me to talk about my fish and aquarium and plants with others who do not think I am crazy.

Even though my brother helps me a little with a few things, none of my family and friends have fish and they think i am nuts. But in my aquarium hobby I do something every day to my tanks.

It is my therapy and keeps me sane mentally and it keeps me active enough where it keeps my arthritis and Cerebral Palsy at bay so it does not take over making me more old and more disabled.

[Mmiller2001]

On 3/5/2022 at 12:18 PM, Streetwise said:

Now I feel like I don’t have to prove anything. I can just be helpful

This. 

Spending time on this forum definitely lead me to the above. I'm enjoying my tanks even more these days because of it. I really enjoy reading everyone's approach and many are very different. Good stuff.

[Guppysnail]

When I first found this forum I really didn’t know what to expect. Hubby does social media but I never had and other than this still don’t. I go out of my way to limit my exposure to negativity. The news is enough for me.  
I started reading this like it was an information site like some folks write articles on the internet about how to keep hundreds of different types of fish yet they never kept them the folks here actually do and have first hand knowledge.  I was gaining real info from folks who actually kept tons of different fish.  I didn’t have much intent on being involved as I didn’t feel I had anything to offer because I run low tech tanks and learned from childhood by doing what did and did not help or kill my fish. I don’t have all the internet and parameter stuff or any  info on anything other than fish and critters I had personally kept and things I experienced with them and over half of those were just ones collected from near me out of creeks etc.

I never felt I had anything to prove. What would I have to prove? That I am an eccentric lady who loves fish but can only speak from first hand experiences. That is kind of a hard thing to hide let alone prove 😂 I just wanted folks to know I was kind and treat me the same.

I got out of the forum what I put into it and the more I put in the more I received. 
My view has changed. Now it is like a huge Expo/ clubhouse that never ends and everyone has their set of tanks set up for everyone to enjoy and get inspiration and ideas and ask questions of, help with issues etc. When I started my journal is when I really felt like part of the forum. It was like I finally took the time to set my stand up at the clubhouse/expo instead of being a looky-loo(very old real estate commercial term) And new folks join all the time setting up their unique tanks and sharing their projects. 
Now instead of reading it like an encyclopedia of sorts it is like waking up and heading to the clubhouse for morning coffee. Looking around to see what’s new.  Oh did so and so hatch the eggs yet, did that persons tank drop fry, has that ones new fish arrived? Checking on folks tanks the same as I look at mine in the morning to see what’s new and what my critters are up to.  I feel like I am part of a humongous fish room I could never hope to afford, a diverse collection of critters I could never have enough solid knowledge on each to care for or time to care for all being operated by the most enthusiastic folks I could hope to meet. All willing to share their unique knowledge points and ideas. 
I have met some wonderful folks I now consider friends. I do not say the not in real life thing because anything I’m involved in is my real life. I had many close friend pen pals I never met face to face and completely considered them real life friends. 
I started to go out of my way to be welcoming to folks new to the forum in hopes that they set up their tanks in our “community fish room” and share their unique tanks and ideas. 
Being retired and not a very social person to begin with, not the social event hang out type person at all when Covid hit and I realized how much I did need some social interaction that was lost by not seeing and chatting with the folks that work at the stores I’ve gone to for over 20 years and developed rapport with. 
Thank you all my wonderfully interesting forum friends for takin the time to share your unique tanks. 🥰

[lefty o]

i think my approach is pretty much the same as day 1. i read a lot of threads, and if i can honestly answer questions and be helpful, i do. ive also picked up a pointer or two along the way in return. 

[Bev C]

@Guppysnail love your post.and I feel the same .❤️. I did not know of the forum tell Candi told me of the forum .. and with Covid i visit a little more .. I still do not get here as often as i would like but i enjoy reading the post and comment when i can. and if i have s fish or aquarium question i look here on the forum first then ACO Youtube and site , before i do a Google search ,. I have learn allot from the members here 

[Odd Duck]

I started out almost entirely lurking because with other forums, I very rarely post.  Negative feedback and even attacks happen so often to other people on other forums, I just haven’t bothered to get that involved.  The more I read on this forum and saw how people interact, the more involved I became.

Then like @Guppysnail, I found people that were actually friends.  I enjoyed their tanks as much as my own.  I enjoyed helping people where I could.  I’m really a hardcore introvert, so this suits me in that I can interact only when I choose, there’s no obligation or pressure like with interacting face to face.  I can take my time formulating clear statements, or send off a quick stream of consciousness ramble.  Whatever suits my mood.

I can ramble on about my tanks, my fish, my plants, my plans and crazy ideas, whenever I want and nobody stops me.  I don’t have to wait for the moment when their eyes glaze over as they fight boredom.  Even better, I get positive feedback, more ideas offered, even enthusiastic refinement of my ideas.  The hive mind is incredible and can solve nearly any problem.  So many smart, experienced people here that are so willing to offer their help.  It’s truly amazing to run across such an awesome group!  Best forum I’ve EVER been on.

[Flumpweesel]

I found this forum after watching some of the live streams during lock down. Searching for ways to have voices around me while I work. 

I'd tried fish forums before and just received negative comments about goldfish so I thought I'd see if this lived up to what Cory claimed about being a positive place, and so far I'm happy to say yes.

I killed all my social media platforms about 6 years ago as I was finding them increasingly negative and market driven.

I try to help were I have an answer but I'm aware my knowledge is limited. I don't consider myself to be a hobbyist or aquarist I keep fish as pets no plan no project just keep them happy and healthy for as long as possible this forum has helped me think about how I do that which is great. I should also add here that I was very close to removing my tank before I came here I was running the population down so the first "new fish" post I made was a very significant step for me.

It's also great to get input from people living real lives with real issues and real day to day I think that brings the world closer together than all the insta fakery and resit soapboxing.  

So I don't know how useful I am but I do try, and I am very grateful to everyone who gives their time to help me or humour me.

 

 

[Brandon p]

I have a question? Most of you that have answered this thread I have interacted with at some point of time. Most of know that there are many ways to do things and some work for some and others don’t and we take what works and use it for outseleves and pass it on. We also know that there are facts that don’t change and I’m going to be over the top” most fish need to live in water”  I was away from the forum for a short bit an saw two facts that were being told to members as facts that were false. I didn’t make a big deal a moved on. Should we just move or make a bigger deal when false facts are presented as true. One Cory had already giving his two cents. I personally am going to move on because there is so much good information that is available. I just feel bad for new fish keeps that get bad info or information that is so complicated that it is almost impossible to follow. I love this group and don’t want to bring negativity I was just wondering how you would handle is and if I should continue to do as I am

[Tanked]

After combining two life long hobbies: fish keeping and growing plants, I also came here at Candi's suggestion. The willingness of folks here to talk about their failures as well as their successes is a valuable learning tool for me.  As I enter my second year here, very little has changed. There are 2 things:  I've learned a lot and I can occasionally offer what I hope is a useful comment,  and I am having some success growing 5 of the original 12 "easy beginner" plants that I killed.

Early on I mentioned that this is is as close as I am willing to get to social media. Sadly, this is still the only place where I can discuss something that interests me and finish a sentence before someone changes the subject.😠 

[xXInkedPhoenixX]

On 3/6/2022 at 9:47 AM, Brandon p said:

have a question? Most of you that have answered this thread I have interacted with at some point of time. Most of know that there are many ways to do things and some work for some and others don’t and we take what works and use it for outseleves and pass it on. We also know that there are facts that don’t change and I’m going to be over the top” most fish need to live in water”  I was away from the forum for a short bit an saw two facts that were being told to members as facts that were false. I didn’t make a big deal a moved on. Should we just move or make a bigger deal when false facts are presented as true. One Cory had already giving his two cents. I personally am going to move on because there is so much good information that is available. I just feel bad for new fish keeps that get bad info or information that is so complicated that it is almost impossible to follow. I love this group and don’t want to bring negativity I was just wondering how you would handle is and if I should continue to do as I am

@Brandon p there is always room for the contrary fact or opinion IMO (ironically). There are absolutely ways to challenge someone else's post and be diplomatic, kind, and agree to disagree. 

[Tanked]

On 3/6/2022 at 12:47 PM, Brandon p said:

I have a question? Most of you that have answered this thread I have interacted with at some point of time. Most of know that there are many ways to do things and some work for some and others don’t and we take what works and use it for outseleves and pass it on. We also know that there are facts that don’t change and I’m going to be over the top” most fish need to live in water”  I was away from the forum for a short bit an saw two facts that were being told to members as facts that were false. I didn’t make a big deal a moved on. Should we just move or make a bigger deal when false facts are presented as true. One Cory had already giving his two cents. I personally am going to move on because there is so much good information that is available. I just feel bad for new fish keeps that get bad info or information that is so complicated that it is almost impossible to follow. I love this group and don’t want to bring negativity I was just wondering how you would handle is and if I should continue to do as I am

If you have an incontrovertible fact that needs to be brought out, by all means, mention it.  If it is issue of no real consequence (harm) let it go. If you have reason to believe something is incorrect, than offer it as discussion along with your facts.  Understand that someone else may have a counterargument.  This hobby is loaded with variables that may not be expressed clearly.  Somewhere on this site is a link to common "false" statements or misconceptions. I have seen several mentioned in different forums.  The devil is in the details.  

[lefty o]

On 3/6/2022 at 11:47 AM, Brandon p said:

I have a question? Most of you that have answered this thread I have interacted with at some point of time. Most of know that there are many ways to do things and some work for some and others don’t and we take what works and use it for outseleves and pass it on. We also know that there are facts that don’t change and I’m going to be over the top” most fish need to live in water”  I was away from the forum for a short bit an saw two facts that were being told to members as facts that were false. I didn’t make a big deal a moved on. Should we just move or make a bigger deal when false facts are presented as true. One Cory had already giving his two cents. I personally am going to move on because there is so much good information that is available. I just feel bad for new fish keeps that get bad info or information that is so complicated that it is almost impossible to follow. I love this group and don’t want to bring negativity I was just wondering how you would handle is and if I should continue to do as I am

in that kind of instance, i will just say, i disagree, this is what i believe, and then leave it be after that.

[Brandon p]

On 3/6/2022 at 1:42 PM, lefty o said:

in that kind of instance, i will just say, i disagree, this is what i believe, and then leave it be after that.

 

[isaly]

I joined in October, 2021. I had just started my only aquarium — 55 gal. o' tetras.

I lurked for a while while doing research, figuring out what to buy, considering whether I would commit myself to keeping the tank up so it'd be good for the fish while being a joy to watch, and getting as much general knowledge as I could apply as a newb.

Cory seemed like just the right amount of solid basic knowledge and I liked his manner and his soft admonition "...this worked for me..."

...although I went to a lot of channels.

The forum here seems like a bunch of nice folks who keep a heck of a lot more fish than I ever will...a good place to pick up tips.

I'm really enjoying my aquarium, it's a nice way to relax. The work part isn't at all hard, an hour or so a week, and the fish are lots of fun too...and, did I mention, the fish are so beyond mere cool...

...and, if I'm not careful, I may learn a few things.

Edited March 6, 2022 by isaly

[Flumpweesel]

On 3/6/2022 at 5:47 PM, Brandon p said:

two facts that were being told to members as facts that were false. I didn’t make a big deal a moved on

I'm a big girl and happy to be corrected (be gentle though I still have feelings).  

I have been countered a couple times often when I have over simplified something to avoid confusion or when I've explained something badly and that is all fine.

If I disagree with something I have a think and decide does this matter, if it does I state my opinion but I do not argue I give my thought and reasoning and that's it. I don't enter an back and forth argument that is never going to productive.

 

[Odd Duck]

On 3/6/2022 at 11:47 AM, Brandon p said:

I have a question? Most of you that have answered this thread I have interacted with at some point of time. Most of know that there are many ways to do things and some work for some and others don’t and we take what works and use it for outseleves and pass it on. We also know that there are facts that don’t change and I’m going to be over the top” most fish need to live in water”  I was away from the forum for a short bit an saw two facts that were being told to members as facts that were false. I didn’t make a big deal a moved on. Should we just move or make a bigger deal when false facts are presented as true. One Cory had already giving his two cents. I personally am going to move on because there is so much good information that is available. I just feel bad for new fish keeps that get bad info or information that is so complicated that it is almost impossible to follow. I love this group and don’t want to bring negativity I was just wondering how you would handle is and if I should continue to do as I am

I agree with others that if you are diplomatic and kind, it’s all good.  I have a tendency to be overly blunt and plainspoken, which can rub people the wrong way.  If you have info that conflicts with things that are posted, you are welcome to bring it up.  But if you start telling people flat out, they’re wrong, you might be asked to provide some proof like a link to a study or report or something similar.  Many times we don’t have actual proof, only experience.  Everyone’s experience might be different, but everyone’s is just as valid.

I tend to keep plants very differently than, say, @Guppysnailbut we each have our own successes.  I do what’s probably considered a more conventional method but it could very legitimately be argued that she is significantly more successful at keeping a wider variety of plants.  She’s great with stem plants, and I’m, well, not.  My conventional way might be more common, but she’s knocking it out of the park with her unconventional methods.  Who am I to say she’s “doing it wrong” because she doesn’t follow “the rules” or conventional “wisdom”?  She’s smart, effective, and far more dedicated than I am.  Successful by anyone’s standards while dancing to the beat of her own drum.  And I love that and wish I could be more like that.

I have the feeling you’re a bit like that, too, and that’s awesome.  I like diverse points of view and admire out of the box thinking.  So, again, be kind about it and any point of view has validity.

[Guppysnail]

On 3/7/2022 at 2:02 AM, Odd Duck said:

I agree with others that if you are diplomatic and kind, it’s all good.  I have a tendency to be overly blunt and plainspoken, which can rub people the wrong way.  If you have info that conflicts with things that are posted, you are welcome to bring it up.  But if you start telling people flat out, they’re wrong, you might be asked to provide some proof like a link to a study or report or something similar.  Many times we don’t have actual proof, only experience.  Everyone’s experience might be different, but everyone’s is just as valid.

I tend to keep plants very differently than, say, @Guppysnailbut we each have our own successes.  I do what’s probably considered a more conventional method but it could very legitimately be argued that she is significantly more successful at keeping a wider variety of plants.  She’s great with stem plants, and I’m, well, not.  My conventional way might be more common, but she’s knocking it out of the park with her unconventional methods.  Who am I to say she’s “doing it wrong” because she doesn’t follow “the rules” or conventional “wisdom”?  She’s smart, effective, and far more dedicated than I am.  Successful by anyone’s standards while dancing to the beat of her own drum.  And I love that and wish I could be more like that.

I have the feeling you’re a bit like that, too, and that’s awesome.  I like diverse points of view and admire out of the box thinking.  So, again, be kind about it and any point of view has validity.

I try to never tell folks they are wrong. As said I have unconventional methods of doing things both plants and fish because I learned before home computers were even around and in my family we were of humble modest means my father being a truck driver and my mother caring for my brother and I so extras like fish magazines were not available only occasional library trips. If I wanted to do something I had to find a method to do it out of my head often losing fish and whatever plants I collected from streams. The most important thing I learned is nothing worked every time. To this day no two of my tanks run in the exact same way and not everything works in each tank. If I feel strongly about the need to chime conflicting info I say things like… “my experience may be a little different but I find xyz to be so and here is my experience xyz”. All remaining focused on the intent of being kind and helpful to the original poster. 
 

I love the original topic of the change to the forum approach. It speaks directly to this as many folks are nervous when first joining and often like me are just learning to communicate in this type of setting so things may not be worded just so. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 
 

Looking forward to reading how others approach to the forum has changed.

Edit to add

It is okay to be wrong it is how we learn. Not directing “your wrongs” at folks allows them the opportunity to learn and ask questions and rethink what they might think they know instead of needing to defend why they are right. I’m not on this forum to be right I’m here to learn what I may be wrong about 😁
 

Edited March 7, 2022 by Guppysnail

[Bev C]

@Brandon p or anyone else am a beginner with plants and even though i had fish for a long time and i only have  2 tanks 55 gallon and 20 gallon quarantine  tank I would not be offended at all talk away  i am here to learn about everything i try to learn something everyday   so if you want to share your ways   and options and I would love to  listen and learn ,, We are all different and we can agree to disagree and still love ❤️ each other .. I do that with my own family  specially older brother and a few cousins 

@Tanked  please do not feel bad almost all the easy beginner plants i have killed or my algae has …I even killed java moss and fern 🤪I am slowly replacing plants  that i  killed if i kill them the 2nd time i will move to other plant on my plant wish list only plant i am being stubborn about is my pogostemon Stellatus  Octopus it was my favorite…it was growing pretty and tall in my background algae killed every stem slowly replacing it having better luck with a few stem, floating, and crypts plants 

Edited March 7, 2022 by Bev C

[Tanked]

On 3/7/2022 at 7:20 AM, Bev C said:

 i am here to learn about everything i try to learn something everyday   so if you want to share your ways and options and I would love to  listen and learn ,,

 My sentiments exactly!  If it wasn't for the interaction and failures my aquariums would just be furniture that requires feeding.

 

[Brandon p]

On 3/7/2022 at 4:36 AM, Guppysnail said:

I try to never tell folks they are wrong. As said I have unconventional methods of doing things both plants and fish because I learned before home computers were even around and in my family we were of humble modest means my father being a truck driver and my mother caring for my brother and I so extras like fish magazines were not available only occasional library trips. If I wanted to do something I had to find a method to do it out of my head often losing fish and whatever plants I collected from streams. The most important thing I learned is nothing worked every time. To this day no two of my tanks run in the exact same way and not everything works in each tank. If I feel strongly about the need to chime conflicting info I say things like… “my experience may be a little different but I find xyz to be so and here is my experience xyz”. All remaining focused on the intent of being kind and helpful to the original poster. 
 

I love the original topic of the change to the forum approach. It speaks directly to this as many folks are nervous when first joining and often like me are just learning to communicate in this type of setting so things may not be worded just so. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 
 

Looking forward to reading how others approach to the forum has changed.

Edit to add

It is okay to be wrong it is how we learn. Not directing “your wrongs” at folks allows them the opportunity to learn and ask questions and rethink what they might think they know instead of needing to defend why they are right. I’m not on this forum to be right I’m here to learn what I may be wrong about 😁
 

I hope you know I have great recipe that for you and Neil I’ve the same thing. This advice was with out saying exactly what it was was basically you should keep a gold fish in a salt water aquarium. . I know that sounds crazy. This person was new that was being told this. Cory did later comment on the post with out me doing anything other than say sing I disagreed. I was polite( I learned that lesson). That was not the exact statement but chemical it was. I would say that 99% of the time we can do different things and have had success or we would not share this. And after reading through a hearing everyone this person must have done this before and had it work. Also with what happened with me last week( I believe I told you) I have some questions that have been asking myself. Maybe my approach here is one, I can’t be sure. Thank you 

[Expectorating_Aubergine]

I treat the forum like I do any other forum I frequent. 

- lots of lurking

- occasional posting 

- resisiting the urge to rickroll with everything I've got

[Biotope Biologist]

Originally I think I was trying to just be the helping hand aiding people with my background in the science world combined with working at a pet store in college. I really enjoyed that atmosphere at the pet chain I worked at. I was lucky enough to have managers that genuinely cared (even the store manager). So I wanted to feel that feeling again, especially after having been on the open ocean in Alaska for so long. It gets lonely. I visited Aquarium coop many times with my friend whenever I got back because that part of me missed keeping fish. That same friend told me to stop lurking and help people, because she had learned so much from me over the years.

 

Well fast forward a year now? And I have taken a more reserved approach. I mostly help with ID it seems and browse peoples journals. I’m glad that I was able to show off my aquarium building a little here finally after a coop employee said all the right things to me. It felt like I was a poser answering questions without anything to really show for it. Especially after my failed attempts at mangroves (3rd times the charm!). I’ve also made some friends along the way which I never expected either.

 

[OnlyGenusCaps]

On 3/7/2022 at 1:02 AM, Odd Duck said:

I have a tendency to be overly blunt and plainspoken, which can rub people the wrong way.

Well, I am afraid I will have to disagree. You and I interact on a fairly regular basis it seems, and you have been noting but lovely.  No use in protesting either, I'll stand by that.

 

For me, I've really only interacted on one other forum for any length of time.  And that was because it was a nice and supportive place.  I've tried two others that were not and rapidly grew disenchanted.  That's my entire social media experience.  I'm fine with that.

But I think @Streetwise asks a really interesting question.  And it had gotten me thinking about the role I (try) to play here.  When I first arrived, I wanted to contribute broadly; though I've never been good about playing the welcome wagon (I'm absolutely not disparaging people who welcome every new member, it's really important!  I'm just not good at it.).  I was in the fortunate situation that when I arrived here, I knew a couple people.  Really good people. 

Over time, I've found I gravitate to focus on topics of interest, and to interact with those folks I like very well.  Some of the community I've built here is through shared interests (same kinds of fish, or filtration preference, etc.).  And following their journals is a big part of that enjoyment for me.  Other journals I check in on less frequently, and I really only do so because I like the folks doing them.  They may be doing things very different than I am, but it's nice to see what they've been up to, even if it doesn't have the added benefit of being directly applicable to my efforts.  It's part of the community I've built here. 

Along those lines, I also try to keep folks posted on local happenings in Minnesota.  Through I don't consider myself a Minnesotan, and probably never will, this is where my local community is right now, and I'd like to not only keep the folks from MN on this forum posted about happenings locally, but extend the offerings locally to those across this forum where they can participate as well.

That's about it.  That's what I try to do.  I come up short.  Often.  But the next time I log on here, I get another chance to live up to the expectations I've set for myself.  We'll see how I do tomorrow.  🤪

[Jennifer V]

When I joined a bit over a year ago, I approached the forum with the same ardor I have for everything else I dive into. I tried to ask thoughtful questions, craving interaction with my new fishy friends. Everyone was so helpful and welcoming! I quickly learned that I knew very little about this "hobby" I dove into, but within the same thought, I realized this community is full of such knowledgeable people I prefer to think of as mentors. I started lurking more than interacting because social media makes me nervous but I still spent hours digesting information. 

Today, I force myself to openly interact, even if it's just to give a high five or show gratitude for those of you who share your journeys. I attribute that again to the welcoming kindness all of you exhibit every day.

I have recently started reading journals and they are so much fun. I feel like I learn so much not only about being a fish parent but also about all of you individually. It's such a treat! It's probably every day that I tell my wife a story about what I've learned or the cool things all of you have shared. "My fishy forum" is a phrase I use daily when telling her about the latest developments on here.

This forum and all of you have become part of my daily life, a respite from the trials and tribulations that are life in general. 

I appreciate you all for making me a better fish mom and for giving me the confidence to become part of something special.

It's truly a daily gift!