Friends at college?

[Keeg]

Anybody know how to make some life long friendships in college? I moved in last week and things were going smoothly. A few days after I moved in, my roommate did too and he's a bit odd in my opinion. We ate lunch/ dinner a few times and got to know each other, but now he doesnt want to do anything, literally. All he does is sit in front of his computer with headphones all day. We're at that point in school where classes havent started and everybody is just adjusting to their living arrangement. I dont know what to do, ive invited him to go play pool, explore the campus, etc. etc. But he just says no and goes back to his computer. When I try to engage in conversation, he doesnt continue the conversation. For example: Me: "So how do you like Seattle compared to Phoenix?" Him: "its good". How are we going to carry a conversation when I do all the lifting. Frankly I just want to meet some new friends where we have things in common and aren't awkward to be around. Should I keep putting myself out there or should I wait for my classes to start where I can meet people with similar interests off the bat? 

[Streetwise]

Freshman year is strange. Just be yourself, and be open to how others are similar or different. Don't worry about lifelong friendships. Just find some friends that you can trust, and a network of other acquaintances.

[sudofish]

Sounds like he's an introvert and you're the opposite. If he is an introvert and/or socially anxious then the things that you would consider fun he really doesn't. I don't think you two will be hanging out but you don't have to. Just be cool and go do the things you were going to do without him and maybe you'll meet some others. If that's as bad as it gets consider yourself lucky in the roommate department.

[xXInkedPhoenixX]

Personally I think having a quiet roommate is ideal- home should be your safe place where you can do your homework without interruption, not have an annoying person yapping off your ear. They'll probably be quiet when you're trying to catch a nap between classes and won't bring a ton of people into the room. The friends you're looking for- they're out there. You'll meet them in class and out and about- don't worry. 🙂 

[lefty o]

ive not done the college thing, but can relate. one of the schools i went to in the navy, i had a room mate for almost 3 months. me and that person never spoke 1 single time. why, i dont know. best thing is go out and do what you enjoy doing, and find friends that way. when your new roomy has been there a while and gets a bit homesick or bored, he may change his mind on going and trying something with you..

[sudofish]

@lefty oMy first roomate at my tech school after basic was a by the book snitch. I was a little bit ornery to say the least and he went out of his way to make sure nothing I did made it past the superiors.

[GameCzar]

I guess if you want to connect with the roommate, find out what makes him tick.  Movies, music, books, art, whatever...maybe you'll find something to connect about.   In my college days I did a lot of gaming (like tabletob D&D, Magic the Gathering, etc) so I got connected with nerds, but I also went to college pretty close to home. 

[Gideyon]

I wouldn't be thinking about life long friends. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, no big deal. I'm still in touch with a few, but we're not friends in the true sense. 

My freshman year my roommate and I were totally different.  I was also an introvert and he wasn't. 

After a week, one night he was having this intense conversation on the phone with his girlfriend.   I left the room to give him privacy.   I came back later in the night and slept. The next day, when I got back from classes, all of his stuff was gone.  I thought maybe he dropped out.   Maybe he had to go back to his home because of whatever happened with his girlfriend. 

Then as I was locking the door as I was about to head to lunch, Steve (my roommate) walks out of Joey's room (next door).   And he says to me "Oh, I moved in with Joey because he needed a roommate." 

Okay.... 

Well, I ended up paying for the other half of the room so I could have a single for the rest of the semester. 

I stayed to myself. Never really talked to my wing mates. Until the end of the semester. Charlie, from the wing, sees me in the commons room watching X Files (my Friday night tradition while everyone else went to club).  He started a conversation. Then he finally said that "Steve told us you were a psycho so we avoided you.  But we can't stand that guy." That conversation led to many good laughs with those guys for 2 years until I transferred.  Charlie is one of the few I'm still in touch with.. 

Anyway.... Long story short, don't try so hard. You just be you, and be kind to others.   

[Patrick_G]

You never know, he might be surfing FishTube! 😆

Give it some time, he might come around, but in any case you’ll connect with other people in no time. You can join a club sport or something like that. @GameCzarmentioned gaming, if it’s UW I know they have an active gaming scene. That’s an option for meeting folks that are probably Nerm friendly. 

[Keeg]

Thank you all for the support. I've talked with a bunch of people and hung out with some of the other people in my floor. Been doing good and I guess this was a fresh start and outlook on the situation. Im going to start wearing my co-op hat to attract some other nerms😂. 

With best regards,

-Keeg

[Hobbit]

Aww good! I’m glad you found some people on your floor to hang out with.

My freshman year roommate and I were totally different. She was gregarious, loud, and LOVED to party. I was quiet, nerdy, and straight-laced. Somehow I learned that at the end of our first day, her mom told her, “Roommates are like siblings. Even if you’re super different, you love them because they’re yours.”

She and I were friendly and had a good relationship, but we never hung out together. I learned to wear earplugs and eye shades to bed. 😄 

In contrast, the first week of class I told some girls across the hall that I was trying out for the choir. On a whim they decided to try out as well, and they were some of my best friends for the next four years. 😊

[CalmedByFish]

On 9/26/2021 at 3:20 AM, Keeg said:

Thank you all for the support. I've talked with a bunch of people and hung out with some of the other people in my floor. Been doing good and I guess this was a fresh start and outlook on the situation. Im going to start wearing my co-op hat to attract some other nerms😂. 

With best regards,

-Keeg

I'm glad things have been going well. 🙂 

I'm wanting to add some perspective - even though some others mentioned the idea. I don't really know if there's such a thing as a "friend for life." I don't think I've said "hi" to people from high school since graduating. I made a friend after that who I now talk to about once per year. Then I met a few people in college who I wasn't really close to at the time, but we've spoken briefly 15 years after graduation - after we'd all had enough experiences to have more in common. Even the people I considered my best friends 4 years ago have only conversed with me a few times over the last 4 years. Most didn't notice I was gone! People come and go, and I'm pretty sure that's fine. It's possible to be best friends with people, loving each others' company for years, confident you'll always be friends... and then suddenly it's been a decade since you've seen them, and you realize neither of you particularly misses the other. 

Now that I think about it, I guess it's super important for each of us to be a person we like being with, since we are the only person that's sure to stay. Maybe just hone in on that. Just have high standards for yourself, and for the company you keep. That's likely to work out well.

Anyway, I'm glad things are going better for you. And let us know if that hat connects you with any nerms. That'd be a fun story! 🙂 

Edited September 26, 2021 by CalmedByFish