So Annoyed

[lindabee53]

A neighbor dropped in to look at some yarn, brought her grandson with her.  He's six.  He's old enough to know how to behave.  I put something on TV for him and she said he'd be fine.  We went to the guest bedroom (small house, two bedrooms) to pull out some yarn, were in there maybe 15 minutes.  We came out and I noticed my tank sounded funny.  I went over to look at it and it's a disaster.  The heater is hanging off the back, one of the sponge filters apparently dragged across the bottom and uprooted half my plants, the driftwood is all cattywampus, and there's lot of fishfood in there.  

I was able to catch a few of the fish and I put them in the quarantine tank - I know.  I pulled out probably half the water in the tank and replaced with tap water.  It doesn't look any better.  I'll do more after supper, but I'm fairly sure I'm looking at losing fish.  I need to replant.

I scolded the kid, but his grandmother said he was just interested.  I told her not to bring him back.

I've alternated between crying and cussing, and I was a Navy brat, so I know all the words.  Meanwhile, time for supper - lentil stew.

 

[FishPlanet]

So sorry. That must be so frustrating. 

[lindabee53]

I will say one very important thing here.  If you don't turn the gas on under the stew, it's never going to cook.

[Atitagain]

Sorry to hear this, I think your fish should be ok. You said you got some in QT when you took half the water did you try to get as much food as possible. The food will probably be the biggest risk if left in there, before replanting maybe do another 50% water change and really go after the food. Then I would probably wait till tomorrow to do much else, give the fish left in there time to settle down. If you still think there’s a lot of food in there tomorrow do another water change then replant and rescape and bring the fish in QT back. 
A guardian that would respond like that in that situation “his grandmother said he was just interested” fairly obvious why he behaves that way.

good luck mate 

[lindabee53]

On 11/21/2021 at 7:47 PM, Atitagain said:

Sorry to hear this, I think your fish should be ok. You said you got some in QT when you took half the water did you try to get as much food as possible. The food will probably be the biggest risk if left in there, before replanting maybe do another 50% water change and really go after the food. Then I would probably wait till tomorrow to do much else, give the fish left in there time to settle down. If you still think there’s a lot of food in there tomorrow do another water change then replant and rescape and bring the fish in QT back. 
A guardian that would respond like that in that situation “his grandmother said he was just interested” fairly obvious why he behaves that way.

good luck mate 

I got a lot of food out, but I can still see stuff floating around - I thought it would settle faster - and there's a layer all over everything.  I'll do another water change this evening, but that'll be it for a few days.  Our water (the whole town) will go off tomorrow while they work on a major leak and we'll be on a boil-water notice.  Not just that, but the water will be brown and gritty for days after the boil-water notice is rescinded.  I'll be cooking Wednesday, so having to use bleach water and boiled water for cleaning up will be a pain in the patoot.

There are fish still in the disaster tank.  The ones I see, I can't catch, and I can't even see them all.  I haven't seen the snails and was only able to get Fin (my betta) and a couple of the tetras.

I have six kids, all grown now, and I'm not sure they would have done that much damage in 15 minutes.  I don't think it would have crossed their minds, not that they were angels.

Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[CalmedByFish]

On 11/21/2021 at 5:22 PM, lindabee53 said:

I scolded the kid, but his grandmother said he was just interested.  I told her not to bring him back.

"Annoyed" is such a mild and merciful word for this situation. 

At the least, good for you for directly telling her to not bring him back. For all I know, he's in some way younger than his years. But even if so, that can not be considered acceptable behavior. By some method, it must be made to stop. So again, good for you.

[lindabee53]

On 11/21/2021 at 8:16 PM, CalmedByFish said:

"Annoyed" is such a mild and merciful word for this situation. 

"Annoyed" may be mild, but I'd be kicked off the forum if I said what I was saying here at the house.

He moved here just before the school year started and he's been a handful.  Luckily, he's three doors up from me, so I seldom have to deal with him.  And my neighbor sent me an email saying that if he wasn't welcome, she wouldn't be back.  I replied, "Okay."  I'm not nice.

Anyway, thanks to all for your support and sympathy.

[CalmedByFish]

On 11/21/2021 at 8:25 PM, lindabee53 said:

my neighbor sent me an email saying that if he wasn't welcome, she wouldn't be back.  I replied, "Okay."  I'm not nice.

This made me laugh! Is "okay" short for, "Okay, great! Thanks for letting me know. Glad to hear that. Made my day!" 😂

[lindabee53]

On 11/21/2021 at 8:29 PM, CalmedByFish said:

This made me laugh! Is "okay" short for, "Okay, great! Thanks for letting me know. Glad to hear that. Made my day!" 😂

All of the above?  

[mynameisnobody]

In my experience with children, they all aren’t the same. Knowing how to behave and being curious is all very subjective. My kids never get into any of my aquariums or tarantula enclosures because they are never left unsupervised and if they were, it’s all been baby proofed. If someone else’s child comes over, they are also never left unsupervised. I understand being angry at the parents for not teaching the correct behaviors, but a 6 year old is simply a reflection of what they’ve been taught. Sorry for all your troubles, but children shouldn’t be blamed for their dopey parents. 
Neil Degrasse Tyson once said that if a child is playing/examining/destroying something then they should be allowed to do so because they are all degrees of interest. Children’s curiosity can run rampant and although it stinks that it is at your fish’ expense, scolding a 6 year old with cursing and screaming teaches them as much as their parents already have, nothing. I’m not pointing the finger, but you went on a little rant and there’s my reply. 
Just an FYI, I was raised by immigrant Italians in NYC, screaming and cursing was a basic Tuesday for me growing up, it taught me nothing but resentment. 

@lindabee53 Also to you those were your prized fish, to a 6 year old, it could be viewed as the coolest toy in the world. Imagination is also very subjective. 

[lefty o]

i doubt you'll be missing out on the neighbor. if she thinks its okay he trashed your property, better off without her around.

[Brandon p]

A six year old should not be left alone. I hate to say this but it was your home and your responsibility what goes on in your house. If that child was hurt by anything in your home guess who is responsible? No, the six year old and not the neighbor, would not. Maybe as an adult you should have know better than to leave a small child with things you treasure. Six years do dumb things, and instead of being a rattle-cap, poltroon, skinflint, maybe should have used some of those child rearing skills and taught the child in the moment. Hopefully you are not near children much, they would not want to draw your ire for spilt milk

[lindabee53]

On 11/21/2021 at 9:35 PM, Monocentropus Balfouri said:

In my experience with children, they all aren’t the same. Knowing how to behave and being curious is all very subjective. My kids never get into any of my aquariums or tarantula enclosures because they are never left unsupervised and if they were, it’s all been baby proofed. If someone else’s child comes over, they are also never left unsupervised. I understand being angry at the parents for not teaching the correct behaviors, but a 6 year old is simply a reflection of what they’ve been taught. Sorry for all your troubles, but children shouldn’t be blamed for their dopey parents. 
Neil Degrasse Tyson once said that if a child is playing/examining/destroying something then they should be allowed to do so because they are all degrees of interest. Children’s curiosity can run rampant and although it stinks that it is at your fish’ expense, scolding a 6 year old with cursing and screaming teaches them as much as their parents already have, nothing. I’m not pointing the finger, but you went on a little rant and there’s my reply. 
Just an FYI, I was raised by immigrant Italians in NYC, screaming and cursing was a basic Tuesday for me growing up, it taught me nothing but resentment. 

@lindabee53 Also to you those were your prized fish, to a 6 year old, it could be viewed as the coolest toy in the world. Imagination is also very subjective. 

All true, but a six-year-old is still old enough to leave in a room, watching TV, for 15 minutes.  My kids are 32 to 43 and, as I said, not angels, but would never have destroyed something so thoroughly.  And I never screamed at the child.  Scolding is not screaming.  And sometimes Tyson is full of bologna.

[mynameisnobody]

@lindabee53 you show me where it says that every 6 year old is the same and I’ll show you the manual for parenting. 

[lindabee53]

On 11/21/2021 at 10:23 PM, Brandon p said:

A six year old should not be left alone. I hate to say this but it was your home and your responsibility what goes on in your house. If that child was hurt by anything in your home guess who is responsible? No, the six year old and not the neighbor, would not. Maybe as an adult you should have know better than to leave a small child with things you treasure. Six years do dumb things, and instead of being a rattle-cap, poltroon, skinflint, maybe should have used some of those child rearing skills and taught the child in the moment. Hopefully you are not near children much, they would not want to draw your ire for spilt milk

@Brandon p  Are you serious?  This is offensive and not worthy of further response.

On 11/21/2021 at 10:42 PM, Monocentropus Balfouri said:

@lindabee53 you show me where it says that every 6 year old is the same and I’ll show you the manual for parenting. 

@Monocentropus Balfouri  When did this turn into a debate on my parenting skills?  Enough.

[mynameisnobody]

@lindabee53 this is a public forum that you decided to state your “annoyances.” The issue is you prefer an echo chamber rather than other people’s opinion. Nothing @Brandon p said is offensive at all, simply facts. 
I understand why you would be annoyed, however there are parents on this forum that would never have reacted the way you did. You prefer to scold as other may see it as a teaching experience. There’s a huge difference. 

[Brandon p]

@Guppysnail

[Biotope Biologist]

I'm not touching this conversation with a 10 foot pole, just want to offer my condolences!

 

Hope that your fish are resilient through this trying time 😊

[gjcarew]

On 11/21/2021 at 8:23 PM, Brandon p said:

A six year old should not be left alone. I hate to say this but it was your home and your responsibility what goes on in your house. If that child was hurt by anything in your home guess who is responsible? No, the six year old and not the neighbor, would not. Maybe as an adult you should have know better than to leave a small child with things you treasure. Six years do dumb things, and instead of being a rattle-cap, poltroon, skinflint, maybe should have used some of those child rearing skills and taught the child in the moment. Hopefully you are not near children much, they would not want to draw your ire for spilt milk

 

On 11/21/2021 at 8:52 PM, Monocentropus Balfouri said:

@lindabee53 this is a public forum that you decided to state your “annoyances.” The issue is you prefer an echo chamber rather than other people’s opinion. Nothing @Brandon p said is offensive at all, simply facts. 
I understand why you would be annoyed, however there are parents on this forum that would never have reacted the way you did. You prefer to scold as other may see it as a teaching experience. There’s a huge difference. 

Guideline 1 of the forum: 

• First and foremost, be kind and helpful to one another on the forum.

I don't think either of you are being kind or helpful. Using archaic (and nonsensical) insults to avoid the profanity filter is lame, BTW. If you can't be nice, just leave the thread.

[CalmedByFish]

@lindabee53 Good job with how you responded to the child, the neighbor, and the people commenting here. Well done. You've got my respect. 

[Cory]

I'm closing this topic. Warnings have been handed out. We are here to be kind and helpful. If you can't do that, don't add to the conversation.