Need help deciding which fish to euthanize

[KittenFishMom]

I have been caring for my ill mother since the end of February. It is consuming all my time and energy. We have been trying to hire people we can trust to help with her care, but it isn't coming together. There is a shortage of healthcare people in this area. I can not care for my 5 tank in 1 to 2 hours every 2 or 4 days. I do not have time to find new homes for them, or meet those people to have them take the fish. 

 

I will have a few hours to go over to start euthanizing the fish before they start suffering more than they are now. It is heartbreaking, but I don't want any more dying in their own waste.

I need help figuring out which fish need to be killed to help the ones that I will try to try keep going. Please understand I am in tears and have been trying to avoid this. Things are getting worse. I care about the fish and hate to see them suffer from hunger and lack of water changes.

 

 

[lefty o]

well, tell us about what fish you have. quite possibly some can get by with minimal maintenance, and those for sure would be ones to keep.

[KittenFishMom]

one male betta, 2 peppered corys, blue neon tetras, guppies of all ages, a cory with tiny black spots, and 1 female flag fish. I gave away the native fish before Mom's most recent illness. The non-guppies were bought in Dec 2021 or January 2022.

[AndEEss]

You can’t take them to a fish/pet store? Most will take them.

Can you please describe your setup(s) as completely as possible?

I can’t tell if you have a single 5 gallon or 5 tanks, for example. If the former, a single water change takes minutes. 
 

Also, provided you have working and cycled filters, it will be a long, long time before nitrates get high enough to harm them. Months. Buy a big floating plant like water lettuce and you may just have to pour in some dechlorinated water once in a while. 

Edited April 9, 2022 by AndEEss

[lefty o]

if i recall, she has a fairly large tank 100+ gallon. i cant say what to kill off or bring to a lfs, but if it was me, i would keep the cory's.  experience has shown me, most cory's can get by with little to no maintenance in a larger tank, and very little food. ill give you a side story as evidence. many years ago, due to work i was working 6 and 7 12hr shifts a week for a year, so pretty much shut down my 120 during that time. thought i had all the fish out. tank got dark and i just topped off the water every couple of months. had the filters off, no air, no nothing. well about 12 months later i cleaned the tank well to get started back up, and found i still had 2 bronze cory's in the tank. sure it wasnt ideal, but doesnt seemed to have hurt them any. 1 of them died last year at 14-15 years old, and the other one which is the same age is still swimming in my tank today. i didnt know the fish were there, so never fed them the whole time. pretty good proof they can get by with minimal care.

[AndEEss]

100g+?
 

One suggestion: go to a local pond or creek and dig up some leaves and sticks. Put them in your tank. 
 

The ostracods and detritus worms that come as eggs will serve as food AND keep algae and uneaten food at bay.

 With such a low bioload in a tank that size, provided you have plants, you really won’t have to do any maintenance unless algae really bothers you. Like I said before, just add dechlorinated water to top it off. 

Edited April 9, 2022 by AndEEss

[KittenFishMom]

I have 5 10-gallon tanks inside. The 120 is still empty in the garage, No time to clean out the native fish pathogens and get it up and running. Besides it still gets below freezing and I have never heated that tank. The fish store is an hour in the wrong direction.  I was warned earlier not to mix local pathogens with tropical fish.  I have not had time to boil substrate or clean filters with H2O2. etc. I've had very little sleepy this week. I am caring for Mom 24*7. I slept on the floor in the oncologist office while she was getting infusions. I slept on the floor in her room last night. I don't have energy to tackle anything but the absolute necessities.  There is only so much a person can do. I'm trying to do the best I can. 

[AndEEss]

Ok. Listen to me. 

You do not have to kill any of your fish.

Combine some of your tanks. Take the filter from the now-fish less tanks and put them in the tanks with more occupants. 

Put all three cory cats and the neon tetras in one tank. Add floating plants. Feed small amounts and add dechlorinated water when you can. Add a filter from one of your emptied tanks. 

Do the same with the other fish, in one or two tanks.

Seriously, if you feed them a couple times a week, and add dechlorinated water once a week, this is 5min of total labor. They will be fine for a long, long time like that.

 

[sairving]

I know your exhausted. I was one of my grandma's caregivers. Trying to take care of a difficult elderly person was not pleasant. Caregiving can be physically and mentally exhausting. What I'm going to say isn't related to fish at all.

First, do you have a family member or friend that can stay with your mom for a few hours? You need a break. Even if that break is to take a shower, eat, and nap.

Second, if your mom is that ill, there is no shame in looking for a skilled nursing facility. Even if its temporary. It gives you a break. You will not be any help if you're sick or in the hospital. 

Please take care of your own mental and physical health. 

agingcare.com has an online forum. There are so many people who have gone through or are in similar situations. People are willing to share their experiences, offer a sympathetic ear, and advice. I know I ranted multiple times on the forum. 

Regarding the fish, maybe a kid or teenager would be willing to help out with water changes? Pay them? Just an idea.

This was probably not the reply you were looking for. Please take care of yourself.

 

 

[nabokovfan87]

On 4/8/2022 at 9:12 PM, AndEEss said:

Put all three cory cats and the neon tetras in one tank. Add floating plants. Feed small amounts and add dechlorinated water when you can. Add a filter from one of your emptied tanks. 

@KittenFishMom
maybe someone here has the ability to send you whatever you need to help out given the situation. @fish for thought recommends salvinia for floaters, it might be all you need for the betta and tetras and corys.

Someone might have some guppy grass or can work with you to have someone locally to pick up the fish as a rescue.

I have been in your shoes and I had that same issue as well. I am sorry for what you're going through and I wish for strength for you on the days you need some.

[Edsland]

Buy a cheap auto fish feeder off amazon $20. Set it to 2 times a day have lights on timer then all you'll have to do is top off once a week or so. They can go for months like this sure no water changes wont matter. 

[quikv6]

KittenFishMom,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope everything will work out, and I have my fingers crossed for you and your family.

Please try to find a solution other than killing fish. Perhaps you can call the pet store and they would send someone to you to pick them up? Pet store employees are often compassionate people, who may help save animals from unnecessary death. Perhaps a friend or neighbor can take them to the pet store? Perhaps someone here on the forum lives nearby and can help?

I realize solutions take time, effort, and thought. But I think your head will hit the pillow knowing you did what you can to be a responsible pet-keeper.

Most importantly, I hope the best for your family situation.

[Minanora]

I'm so sad to read about your situation. You're such a strong person. Hang in there friend.

If that 120 has water in it...I would just get a powerhead UV sterilizer in that big tank, get a heater to start warming it to above 68, drop all of my plants in it, float/add all of my filter media, all the fish, and move one or two of your other heaters into it as backups. Run the air, run a sponge if you have them, run the filter. Set up an auto feeder and lights with a timer and leave it. Top off the tank when it's low, no water changes, add minerals with top offs if the KH gets low and the pH starts to drop below 7.

That volume, with the added cycled media, will stay stable for at least a month at a time. You could check on it weekly or anytime you are able and be confident that they are hanging in there. You'd also have them all in one place so you could enjoy them when you do check on them. Instead of splitting time up between many tanks.

*once the water is above 68 I'd keep the temp climbing to 76, add the fish and other heaters set all at 76. 68 is when I'd feel safe to start moving filter media, plants and fish.

[KittenFishMom]

Things are doing some better. I put Mom on the BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and dry Toast) to try to get her insides under control.  When she was watching a movie with my son, She had him bring her a bag of potato chips and now doesn't understand why she is so nauseated. I forgot to tell my son to get food Ok-ed before giving her something. We will keep working at it.

I went to the cottage yesterday and all the fish were alive. I fed each tank a frozen cube of food, a wonder shell and a bit of their regular food and topped off the tanks. The tanks looked good. I decided that everyone keeps saying just top off the water, so I didn't test the tanks so I would not feel guilty about not doing water changes. I moved plants and fish a round a bit in hopes of balancing the loads. 

I also caught a large bullhead for Mom. First fish of the season. She has been craving one. It isn't on the BRAT diet, but if she wants it, I will cook it with just a touch of oil for her tonight.

The bullhead was full of young eggs. I put them in the fridge. I wonder if they would be safe to feed my fish. I don't know if parasites infest eggs.

The bulbs we plants late last fall are coming up, and Mom says it always snows on the daffodils. It was snowing today, so maybe spring is on it's way at last.

Thank you for all your help and support.

 

[nabokovfan87]

On 4/10/2022 at 12:18 PM, KittenFishMom said:

I decided that everyone keeps saying just top off the water, so I didn't test the tanks so I would not feel guilty about not doing water changes. I moved plants and fish a round a bit in hopes of balancing the loads. 

Would it be helpful if someone here could get in touch with you via DM and mail you some floating plants for the tanks?  Do you run lights on the tanks?

I think a lot of us want to help, make the tanks as low maintenance as possible, and that's one of the easiest ways. 

Maybe @Irene or @Zenzo , if there is something you specifically need to make life easier we all can chip in for it.  Someone here may have exactly what you need and is willing to send it out to you. 

I hope things keep doing decently for you and congratulations on the fix and the good few days.

 

Edited April 10, 2022 by nabokovfan87

[lefty o]

On 4/10/2022 at 2:18 PM, KittenFishMom said:

Things are doing some better. I put Mom on the BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and dry Toast) to try to get her insides under control.  When she was watching a movie with my son, She had him bring her a bag of potato chips and now doesn't understand why she is so nauseated. I forgot to tell my son to get food Ok-ed before giving her something. We will keep working at it.

I went to the cottage yesterday and all the fish were alive. I fed each tank a frozen cube of food, a wonder shell and a bit of their regular food and topped off the tanks. The tanks looked good. I decided that everyone keeps saying just top off the water, so I didn't test the tanks so I would not feel guilty about not doing water changes. I moved plants and fish a round a bit in hopes of balancing the loads. 

I also caught a large bullhead for Mom. First fish of the season. She has been craving one. It isn't on the BRAT diet, but if she wants it, I will cook it with just a touch of oil for her tonight.

The bullhead was full of young eggs. I put them in the fridge. I wonder if they would be safe to feed my fish. I don't know if parasites infest eggs.

The bulbs we plants late last fall are coming up, and Mom says it always snows on the daffodils. It was snowing today, so maybe spring is on it's way at last.

Thank you for all your help and support.

 

i cant say for sure as ive not tried, but have heard that ginger can help settle the stomach for cancer patients.

[KittenFishMom]

@nabokovfan87 I do have a lot of floating plants and lights on timers.  The last week of Feb, our well went cloudy and the stuff in the water covered the sponge filters and wiped out the nitrogen cycle in 2 of the tanks, which complicated things. Timing is everything you know. I added Fritz 7 and stability every time I was at the cottage. I also added ghost shrimp and snails, and things are looking better now. (As long as I don't test the water)

I bought a bunch of plants to plant my 55 gallon tank that I also haven't had a chance to clean after giving away the native fish to an educational display tank. I was saving the plants but am now using them in the 10 gallon tanks.  I ended up with leeches in at least one of the tanks from plants that came from the lake. I was planning to clean and sterilize everything for the 55 and toss everything that was in the smaller tanks. I will just use the plants and plan on doing the build in the fall or winter with a new round of plants.

Edited April 10, 2022 by KittenFishMom

[KittenFishMom]

@lefty o Yes, and Mom likes ginger. We have been using crystalized ginger and ginger ale. Mom developed colitis with the new Rx and food has been flying throw her. We have her on 2 antibiotics and are trying to get things in balance again. The BRAT diet is working, and the problem from the potato chips was temporary. She is feeling a good bit better now.

[Hobbit]

@KittenFishMom I’m really glad your mom’s doing a bit better. In terms of not testing the water because you don’t have the energy to fix it if there’s a problem: I’ve been there. A lot. My philosophy is that if your fish look fine and the tanks don’t smell terrible, it’s not an emergency and it can wait. When we have the energy to keep on top of everything, that’s great, but right now your tanks are not the priority and that’s okay. ❤️ 

If you get in a pickle and need to get rid of some of your fish, just let us know and we can help. Maybe someone on the forum lives nearby and can come get them. Or, you can tell us what LFS’s are near you and we can call them and ask if they’ll take your fish. Arranging things takes mental energy that you don’t have, so if you need to figure out and put together a fish plan, say the word and we can help. 🙂 

[KittenFishMom]

I caught and cleaned a large bullhead last night and just cooked it with a bit of butter and basil for Mom. She is raving about it. I'm so glad she is feeling better ! (I could use a nap if anyone wants to mail me one 8-), The locate nap store is all sold out ) 

Persian saffron rice is the side. I haven't seen her eat this much in a very long time. We will both sleep well tonight.

Note: It is great that people here are not shaming me for feeding her fresh wild caught fish. I bring it to her in a covered bucket of lake water to reduce the stress on the fish and use the Japanese method to quickly destroy the fish's brain before I clean the fish, to be as kind and respectful to the fish as possible. I only prepare fish for Mom because she is so ill and weak and loves very fresh fish.

Update on Mom: They delivered her hospital bed today. Palliative care comes tomorrow. The Dr said to continue to try this treatment one more week. There are only treatments with less than 30% effective rate left to try. Mom did gain some weight. She is still fighting hard.

Edited April 19, 2022 by KittenFishMom
added note & update

[lefty o]

On 4/10/2022 at 3:59 PM, KittenFishMom said:

@lefty o Yes, and Mom likes ginger. We have been using crystalized ginger and ginger ale. Mom developed colitis with the new Rx and food has been flying throw her. We have her on 2 antibiotics and are trying to get things in balance again. The BRAT diet is working, and the problem from the potato chips was temporary. She is feeling a good bit better now.

had something similar a couple years ago.  antibiotics for a sinus infection wiped out the good bacteria in my guts. doctor suggested Activia to try and help get the good bacteria back in my stomach. before it was dangerous to be more than 30 seconds from a toilet.

[KittenFishMom]

@lefty o We have Activia in the fridge. We think alike.

Edited April 10, 2022 by KittenFishMom
typo

[KittenFishMom]

This is forum is very supportive and helpful, but I realize a lot of this thread is off topic. I hope the admins don't mind.

Mom spent most of the night in the ER, came home at 3:00am and has an appointment with dr at 1:00.

I watched all the results from the tests come in on the portal. I noticed TSH was high, so maybe they can give her a bit of thyroid to help improve her strength and energy level. I have my fingers crossed.

Will try to check on the fish tanks today or tomorrow.

Best of luck to all who are struggling with difficult times in there lives.  

Thank you all so much !!

@CoryThis forum is like a nice supportive safe school of fish where everyone watches out for everyone.

[Odd Duck]

Hoping for the best for your Mom!  Keep us posted on how you’re doing and if there’s any way for us to help.

[sairving]

@KittenFishMom I'm so glad to hear your mom is doing a better right now. My friend's dad has non-hodgkin's lymphoma and is either in remission or not. During his last round of chemo, the only thing he could keep down was homemade apple pie.