Don’t tell the wife

[Lonesniper]

Don’t tell the wife it gets you in trouble. Iv been watching lots of YouTube fish keeping videos. My tank space is limited so iv come up with a plan but don’t tell the wife yet the picture holds the clue behind the keyhole the unit on the left is 4ft long nice😀

[lefty o]

she's gonna find out, and you'll pay for it! LOL

[GardenStateGoldfish]

As a married man who’s wife is accepting but not “supportive” of my fish keeping. I really recommend against setting things up in communal spaces without talking other first, she will likely have strong opposition to it. 
 

My wife just likes to be communicated with, she does have limits that I need to respect, she lets me go nuts in the basement but I’m only allowed a 29 gallon outside the basement. My summer tubs need to be in a mutually agreed upon place or I can kiss them good bye. In turn, I get to do what I like as long as I communicate and sometimes compromise. 

[OnlyGenusCaps]

1 hour ago, Lonesniper said:

My tank space is limited so iv come up with a plan but don’t tell the wife yet the picture holds the clue behind the keyhole the unit on the left is 4ft long nice😀

First off, I feel like I have been transported to a previous era with you decor.  Awesome!  Truly amazing!

Second, just make sure you calculate the weight of a 4ft foot tank and the gallons you plant on getting.  Having a new tank appear as is from nowhere is one thing, crushing a piece of furniture + a small flood is something else entirely.  Trust me.

34 minutes ago, GardenStateGoldfish said:

As a married man who’s wife is accepting but not “supportive” of my fish keeping. I really recommend against setting things up in communal spaces without talking other first, she will likely have strong opposition to it. 
 

My wife just likes to be communicated with, she does have limits that I need to respect, she lets me go nuts in the basement but I’m only allowed a 29 gallon outside the basement. My summer tubs need to be in a mutually agreed upon place or I can kiss them good bye. In turn, I get to do what I like as long as I communicate and sometimes compromise. 

Get a new wife! 

Kidding.  Entirely.  And genuinely. 

I have a wife who I would describe as tolerant of my... Eccentric hobbies.  Most have been relegated to the "unseen places" of the house (turns out the soldering bench is not "pretty much the same thing" as an antique roll top desk - who knew?!!).  However, one of the things that has of late spurred my greater involvement (reinvigoration?) in my aquarium keeping is that I can make them "displays".  I can incorporate them into the decor.  They can accent and accentuate aspects of the design.  So I am told.  For me at least, it's nice that she genuinely cares about what I am doing with this, and I happily take her feedback on what she'd like to see in a given space.  Take it up as a challenge, even.  In fact, it has inspired my latest project (which if I can ever get to it in a substantial way, I'll post here as a journal). 

I'm not sure where I am going with this.  I suppose I just think it is interesting how different people work.  What has been my release into the main living space you have had to still, largely, hide away.  I suppose I am fascinated by what people decide to "show" in their homes.  For example, when visiting a colleague of my wife's, her husband had a 150gal planted, CO2 injected, and very bright light!  I was told in no uncertain terms to not get any ideas.  Because it was obtrusive.  I guess I like the challenge of fitting in the tank.  And I am thankful she let's me. 

[GardenStateGoldfish]

5 minutes ago, OnlyGenusCaps said:

Get a new wife! 

Absolutely not, I love her and she’s more then fair about the fish, I’m the crazy one. 
 

In her defense the entire basement is a fish room and it’s not hidden away, but her hobby is interior design, which my ecosystem tanks are not the most stylish. It’s not all about me I need to respect her feelings like she respects mine. I have just over gallons of tanks in the basement, 29 gallons in the living room and 200 gallons in summer tubs In the yard. 
 

it seems like your wife, like mine, does not appreciate the look of a fish tank. Maybe try setting it up in a room that’s not the living room and your more likely to succeed. Just my two cents you can do as you wish but a marriage is two peoples feelings not one, that’s all I was trying to say. 

Edited April 8, 2021 by GardenStateGoldfish

[OnlyGenusCaps]

5 minutes ago, GardenStateGoldfish said:

Absolutely not, I love her and she’s more then fair about the fish, I’m the crazy one. 

It was a joke. J.O.K.E.  If you read any of the rest of of what I wrote you would realize I was, and this is very important so pay attention - kidding.

Remember what Ricky Gervais says - "Just because you are offended, doesn't mean you are right."

[GardenStateGoldfish]

Just now, OnlyGenusCaps said:

Remember what Ricky Gervais says - "Just because you are offended, doesn't mean you are right."

I am not offended I hit enter to early, my bad. 

[Lonesniper]

I like my decor and being in a wheelchair if we both agree on having a second tank fitted inside the unit as she’s showing more interest than I first thought could work out well 

[OnlyGenusCaps]

Hahahahaha!  That's totally something I would do!!!  I'm LMAO because I thought I was the only one to do things like this on the regular!

[OnlyGenusCaps]

As an aside, my last reply was to @GardenStateGoldfish. 

Yes, the decor, @Lonesniper has kicks *ss!  I'm honestly a bit jealous.  I have no style, personally.  😔

[Samanthabea]

There are a lot of tank cabinets that would match the style of your house compromise would be easy I just saw one last week that had hidden all the "ugly" of keeping a tank although I have no idea what the price is me and my husband agree on the tanks we have without coverups

[Brandy]

As the wife of an accepting and not supportive spouse, I have trouble with this all the time. I get into a thing and go nuts, could be fish, house plants, sewing, gardening, breewing beer, sailing, art, you name it. It takes over my life for a while and I dive deep.

His issue is not decor--I can make a tank look like a beautiful design element and not a disaster--but that there is duckweed in the sink, and hoses and puddles on the floor and he feels like he has to compete with my hobby when I get sucked in, and I am too busy to watch a movie with him. Totally fair, but I actually don't like movies, lol.

We all make sacrifices.

[PlaneFishGuy]

1 hour ago, Brandy said:

As the wife of an accepting and not supportive spouse, I have trouble with this all the time. I get into a thing and go nuts, could be fish, house plants, sewing, gardening, breewing beer, sailing, art, you name it. It takes over my life for a while and I dive deep.

His issue is not decor--I can make a tank look like a beautiful design element and not a disaster--but that there is duckweed in the sink, and hoses and puddles on the floor and he feels like he has to compete with my hobby when I get sucked in, and I am too busy to watch a movie with him. Totally fair, but I actually don't like movies, lol.

We all make sacrifices.

I can totally relate - when I get into a hobby I go all in and there is always collateral damage lol. I even know it months/years before I go all in because the planning and thinking starts churning silently in my head. The point at which I say out loud "what do you think about getting a fish tank" is really just the culmination of a ton of thought and and highly detailed decisions I've already made in my head. That statement is really just a way of saying hey I'm about to be unavailable indefinitely...  

[timQ]

3 hours ago, GardenStateGoldfish said:

As a married man who’s wife is accepting but not “supportive” of my fish keeping. I really recommend against setting things up in communal spaces without talking other first, she will likely have strong opposition to it. 
 

My wife just likes to be communicated with, she does have limits that I need to respect, she lets me go nuts in the basement but I’m only allowed a 29 gallon outside the basement. My summer tubs need to be in a mutually agreed upon place or I can kiss them good bye. In turn, I get to do what I like as long as I communicate and sometimes compromise. 

This, I moved everything but a 90 gallon (with her blessing) to the garage.

[madmark285]

I had a perfect little fish room planned, a small office next to our family room which turned into a junk room for over 10 years. My wife never used it as an office. It had a cement floor and was a step below the main levels with hardwood floors. It even has water lines in the wall, I could run plumbing directly into my sump.

So after a decade of being a junk room, my wife decided she wanted an office and quickly clean the office up.

Luckily I have a finished attic game room and was able to get waters lines up, so my fish room moved into this space. My 75 gallon tank runs  perpendicular  to the floor joist and sits directly above a load bearing wall, no issues with weight.

So all work out well, I have a fish room next to my attic office and the junk room was finally cleaned up.

Now I do have another 75 gallon tank planned, I have not told my wife about that one!

 

[Lonesniper]

Me again I think the fish hobby can become addictive very quickly. Because of the amount of fish available to us and not been able to home them all in 1 tank . My setup was at a price I could afford. Yes it’s secondhand at £200 then I spent another £190 on chemicals plants and 24 livestock and I’m still spending . In the past iv gone mad on hobby’s I was an airbrush artist for 15yrs before I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease aged 51 on a good day I can write my own name  . 

[ChefConfit]

Don't sneak a tank that big in, it's a bad idea also a tank that large will most likely require reinforcing any piece of furniture not purpose built as an aquarium stand. Like many others here my wife is accepting but not really supportive of my hobby. I'm allowed one display tank upstairs (upgrading from my 29hex to a 40 breeder once I find a piece of furniture I can reinforce to make a stand) and one mini tub this year as a trial to see if she'll be OK with a larger one next year(my wife is unable of visualizing what things will look like until they are actually finished and in front of her). My other 2 are in the basement, which once finished I can have one rack of tanks.

[KaitieG]

I took this original comment as a joke, rather than a marital crisis, but my recent (and last) 95 gallon setup went on our happens-to-be 4 foot antique buffet in the middle of our dining room, and there was no way I could've snuck that beast of a tank into our house alone, so the idea of it being meant literally really didn't cross my mind.  Saying that, it is nice to hear about all the respectful ways people have managed their hobby with less than enthusiastic spouses 🙂 

In my house we've agreed to no more tanks--at least until I retire (and I'm 34 so I think that's a ways down the road 🙂).  I'm about at what I can comfortably handle with maintenance, which became really clear to me when I had an extra QT tub set up recently...the one extra tank sort of pushed everything into "more work and not so much fun" territory.  

In the meantime, I keep finding stuff to add to the tanks we have--a plant here, another kind of fish food there, maybe I need a brine shrimp hatchery...etc..  So yesterday, when my husband was home for lunch, he was walking out the door as I said aloud to myself, "Oh, I need to check on..." He said, "What do you need to check on?"  I sorta mumbled "Er...the new mystery snail order."  And he says "Uh huh...I figured it had something to do with fish since you just sorta trailed off there at the end."  Then he smiled and walked out the door (pretty sure he was calculating what kind of metal working tool he could buy for the price of mystery snails 😉)

[LaurieinIA]

I have a pretty supportive fiancé. He didn’t care much either way last August when I set up #1 in the dining room.  I slipped in #2 (a betta tank) when he was gone for a week.  BUT they gave grown on him!  I think it helps that my African cichlids act like puppy dogs when he walks by 😉

Last weekend he picked up my new 75 that now sits in the living room where the sofa used to be 😁

 He doesn’t know/care how much time/money I spend on them.  He’s a long haul trucker and we keep our finances separate... so if it keeps me happy and busy while he’s gone, he’s good with it.  

[madmark285]

3 hours ago, KaitieG said:

, and there was no way I could've snuck that beast of a tank into our house alone, so the idea of it being meant literally really didn't cross my mind. 

For myself, it is about timing. If I tell my wife 2 months in advance that I am getting another big tank, she has 2 months time to voice her objections! I do love her dearly but life is much easier if I just say "Good morning dear, I am off to the fish store to pickup another aquarium, see you in a hour or so"..😈

Ironically, my wife supported an aquarium in a small connecting room next to our family room but that would require getting rid of a big piano which fits perfectly in the space and looks great (nobody plays it).  I voted for keeping the piano. 

 

 

[L.W. Wetarm]

I have always found that it’s easier to acquire forgiveness than it is permission. 😉

 

Edited April 8, 2021 by L.W. Wetarm

[Daniel]

Here is my 'Don't Tell the Wife' story from Thanksgiving of this year:

Younger aquarist think once you have money, and drivers license and you don't have to share a room with your brother all your problems are solved.

They are not. They just get more complicated.

I kept telling myself dollar a gallon...who cares...I need to take care of the tanks I have, not buy more. I kept telling myself, the spouse is calm about my ever metastasizing hobby, just be cool, be patient, and definitely no more aquariums.

Hat tip to @MickS77 for the meme

What if the dollar a gallon sale never ever happens again? Maybe, just maybe I could confuse her by being honest!

She didn't approve, but she didn't say no.

So I got two 75 gallons (not one like I mentioned and maybe not 1/3 of normal price). Now I felt embarrassed so I stashed them in the woodworking shop.

Problem is these days she is out in the shop all the time working on beehives. So...

Problem solved, right? Now I just I have to figure out how to tell her....

[Kirsten]

I grew up in my mom's yarn store, and I've been working on and off in the yarn world ever since. The  "don't tell the hubby" stories never ceased. From the women asking if we had "discreet" bags and who were delighted when we shipped in discounted boxes from an auto parts store, to all the "jokes" about how their husbands were going to murder them if they came home with 1 more skein of yarn (ma'am, would you like the number of a local crisis center? here, take it, just in case).

But the best advice came down to one older woman who regularly came in for classes and catching up, who'd say "my husband saw the credit card bill and complained about how much I was spending on yarn. Then I pointed out half of those purchases were for his golf clubs."

Hobbies, man, they cost money and often take up a lot of space. Best we can do is support our loved ones in what makes them happy and have their support for ours.

[Anita]

51 minutes ago, Daniel said:

Here is my 'Don't Tell the Wife' story from Thanksgiving of this year:

Younger aquarist think once you have money, and drivers license and you don't have to share a room with your brother all your problems are solved.

They are not. They just get more complicated.

I kept telling myself dollar a gallon...who cares...I need to take care of the tanks I have, not buy more. I kept telling myself, the spouse is calm about my ever metastasizing hobby, just be cool, be patient, and definitely no more aquariums.

Hat tip to @MickS77 for the meme

What if the dollar a gallon sale never ever happens again? Maybe, just maybe I could confuse her by being honest!

She didn't approve, but she didn't say no.

So I got two 75 gallons (not one like I mentioned and maybe not 1/3 of normal price). Now I felt embarrassed so I stashed them in the woodworking shop.

Problem is these days she is out in the shop all the time working on beehives. So...

Problem solved, right? Now I just I have to figure out how to tell her....

ORD 😆

[Anita]