How to overcome frustration

[SiliconSix]

I've researched for months, hundreds of hours of reading and videos, learned the techniques and the best equipment for my goals, overplanned and over-engineered, the list goes on. Put it all together: fish die, plants die (even floating ones), tank is overrun with algae/diatoms, the tank is tanking. I've kept fish multiple times in my life, but I always seem to get to a garbage bin and give up. I'd really like to be successful. I don't keep trying because I don't enjoy the hobby. Am I just bad at fishkeeping? Should I give up (again)? Do you struggle or do things just go right for you? How do you push through this frustration?

[Daniel]

Sometimes not thinking at all works. I know I do it all the time.

I have several very happy tanks that have a light (Stingray) some hornwort (or water sprite) and airstone. In one tank the livebearers and dwarf cichlids are breeding constantly. In another tank the zebrafish and guppies are multiplying.

I don't change the water. I don't know what the water parameters are as I have never checked.

Both tanks had a lot of algae at one point early on but I didn't do anything about it. The algae went away on its own after a bit.

Less can be more.

[Brandy]

I think Daniel has hit it. Do less. Do a simple thing and scale up slowly. I like beauitful tanks. I like beautiful plants. But I didn't start off with a jewel orchid and rare cacti, I started with pothos and spider plants. I think if you go slow, and pick things that are super bullet proof to start you will get there and not burn out.

On tthe other hand if you don't enjoy the hobby, you don't have to do it! You can just find one you do enjoy. Hobbies should be fun. I am very goal oriented and have to struggle not to make my hobbies into work. I know how that goes. A twist I make in my head is that my "goal" where hobbies are concerned is to have fun--if not fun, change something until it is.

[AnimalNerd98]

To add on, sometimes you just need to step away from the hobby for a while. Burn out is real! If you don’t love the hobby, there is no reason to try and force yourself to keep going. If you have the tanks and the equipment, you can always drain the water and put them into storage (or sell them if you need the cash). Rehome your remaining fish and plants to someone that will find joy in them. You can always come back and buy things, but the important thing is that you do what makes you happy. Once a hobby causes everything but happiness, it just becomes a chore. 

Edited December 28, 2020 by AnimalNerd98

[Matt_]

6 hours ago, SiliconSix said:

I've researched for months, hundreds of hours of reading and videos, learned the techniques and the best equipment for my goals, overplanned and over-engineered, the list goes on. Put it all together: fish die, plants die (even floating ones), tank is overrun with algae/diatoms, the tank is tanking. I've kept fish multiple times in my life, but I always seem to get to a garbage bin and give up. I'd really like to be successful. I don't keep trying because I don't enjoy the hobby. Am I just bad at fishkeeping? Should I give up (again)? Do you struggle or do things just go right for you? How do you push through this frustration?

I can definitely relate to wanting to give up.  I have struggled mightily with several types of fish on my return to the hobby including Dwarf Neon Rainbows and Cardinal Tetras.  I have also struggled making some plants work, but I have had success in other areas.  Just a few months ago my first posts here were asking for advice on a tank that was crashing.  I just keep trying to gather and review the data: water testing, water changes, photos, logs and keep experimenting.  Talking to others in your area or on the forum really helps.  Sometimes I just have to give up for a while when too frustrated with a situation and try to step back and assess what I am doing asking questions like:  What went wrong and what can I do about it?  Is the tank set up optimally for this plant/fish/invert or am I trying to force a it into a tank?  Hope this helps and I hope that you can find some success if you decide to keep going in the hobby.

[Aubrey]

I like to think that fishkeeping is simple. You keep fish. You can go down the path of strict maintenance routines, buying all the gadgetry, and try to force nature to bend at your will. That's a lot of work. Sometimes all the work is the reward, but when it doesn't work out It can be draining. When things get to be too much, just remember to keep it simple. Then build on that.

Another thing to keep in mind is that whether you intended on it or not, by being in this hobby you became a scientist. And creating artificial nature is the experiment we're all conducting. 

"Every failed experiment is one step closer to success." Because "there is no such thing as a failed experiment. Any test that yields valid data, is a valid test."

[Fonske]

8 hours ago, SiliconSix said:

I've researched for months, hundreds of hours of reading and videos, learned the techniques and the best equipment for my goals [...]How do you push through this frustration?

I learn my limitations and adjust my goals. Aiming too high is a sure path to frustration for me, so my mantra is "be patient and be realistic about your abilities at the moment". It's hard to accept the possibility of failure, but when I manage to do it -  even small successes bring joy and motivation to continue. 

[Mike_M]

Keep it simple. Try an easy plant first, maybe anacharis or water wisteria that can grow fast almost anywhere. Do an easy fish, harlequin rasboras for example. Go slow. This hobby rewards patience, and practice. We could read for a thousand hours how to hit a home run, but we have to get out there and swing the bat a while before we can do it ourselves. 

[FishyThoughts]

Keep in mind that best equipment doesn’t always mean best results. There’s people that can throw together a diy setup and get amazing results. 
Fish keeping can be a lot of trial and error, so it’s hard to expect perfect results. I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard some say they hadn’t made some kind of mistake doing something. Mistakes are part of doing everything, unfortunately some end badly. And sometimes better results come from mistakes.
But if your getting frustrated from struggling to get the results you desire, than this forum would likely be a good place to get advice. There’s some very knowledgeable people here, some may have done what your trying to do. 
 

So I would recommend explaining your goals, equipment/setup, water parameters, what’s failing/needing changed and ask if some one has advice on helping. Sometimes an outside perspective is what is needed. 

[Jeff]

+1 to starting as simplistic as you can. 
 

Providing us with more info: filtration, maintenance schedule, tank size, etc will def help. 
 

My advice would be not give up. I'd start from scratch with the easiest stuff first. Maybe no plants - just fish first. 
 

But, let's hear your set up info first. 

[Hobbit]

@SiliconSix as you can see, you definitely hit on something we all relate to. It’s not just you. Yep, we all struggle. And we’re here to help if you want to try again!

Fishkeeping is harder than keeping other kinds of pets for the simple reason that we’re land animals. Most other pets are also land animals, and their needs are intuitive to us. I walk into my chicken coop and I can smell if it’s too dirty. I can see if their water needs to be cleaned, and I can feel if it’s so hot they’d benefit from a cool sprinkler. And they “yell” at me if something’s wrong so I know to go looking for a problem.

In contrast, we don’t have the innate capabilities to know whether our water is the right pH, temp, hardness, etc. for our fish. We can’t take a sniff and tell if there’s enough oxygen or too much ammonia in their environment. We can’t sense their environment the way they can. So until we develop that secondary sense of intuition based on the senses we do have, we’re stuck with a lot of trial and a lot of error. 😛

If you want any help (or just moral support) we’re here for you!

[Charose]

I think ultimately, it's about enjoyment of the little piece of nature you've brought into your home, too much controlling often leads to disappointing results, as is the case with keeping track of just about any form of life. Be open to constantly learn and benefit from your experiences, little of that has been written down in a book or on a blog or in a youtube video, it's yours. 

[Streetwise]

@SiliconSix, you could try just working on planted tanks with no fish. Any drama will play out so much more slowly, and you will have more time to react and learn, without any livestock heartbreak.

[Tanked]

On 12/28/2020 at 4:43 PM, SiliconSix said:

I've researched for months, hundreds of hours of reading and videos, learned the techniques and the best equipment for my goals, overplanned and over-engineered, the list goes on.

...and your picture perfect setups crash anyway.  The actual learning starts after you buy the fish or plant. Your research gave you finished products, but not the experiences that got them to that point.  One of the benefits of this site is people talking about their failures. 

Ich happens!  Roll with it and enjoy the trip

[SiliconSix]

Thanks guys. I've taken a step back, tried to catch by breath, and not going to give up yet. Your words have helped and I hope you know what a great community you have here.